thoughts on life, love, photography, and lifting.
Two Weeks.
As I sit here typing this, it’s currently Sunday night, August 7th, 2011. It’s quiet in the house. I usually listen to music while I’m at my computer, but I want things to be silent for a reason. This is important. I plan on posting this blog on Monday, August 8th, which will mark the date two weeks before I undertake the biggest project I have imagined thus far in my life.
A lot of people have been asking me about it, given a few social networking posts I put up a couple of weeks ago. There has been some confusion and some questions, and I wanted to write this out to set the record straight for anyone who is wondering. It may be a small number of people, it may be a large number of people, I’m not really sure. I also just need to get some of these thoughts out of my head. So here we go.
On August 22nd, I will disappear for 8 days. I will still be here in Nashville, but sans phone, computer, communication, and home. I will be undertaking a personal photography project that I’ve had in my head for a little over a year now. It’s an idea that I formulated shortly after moving to Nashville, and all of the pieces are finally falling into place allowing me to complete things and move forward with it. Let me give you a little background before I explain everything that will be happening.
Upon moving to Nashville, I began volunteering with an organization called People Loving Nashville that some friends of mine started a few years ago. PLN is a group of people who come together to feed and clothe some homeless people on Monday nights in downtown Nashville. Working with the homeless and the poor is something that has always been close to my heart, and so moving here and having friends with a ministry up and running was a great thing for me. I was able to fall into step working with them right away. It has been one of the most invaluable things I’ve ever done.
As I’ve been helping on Monday nights, engaging in conversations with some of these gentlemen, it began to put a lot of perspective on things in my own life. Especially having just moved to Nashville to pursue a career in photography, and having lots of friends who were and are pursuing careers in music and various art forms. That aspect is one of the things that originally drew me to Nashville in the first place. Nashville is a city built on dreams. So many people move here from so many diverse places and cultures to pursue common interests. Without the dreams of so many people moving here, there is no way this city could thrive the way it has.
So in thinking about myself and so many people I know chasing their dreams, it began to become a stark contrast to me to have conversations with these homeless men about their lives. To hear their stories. To see what it looks like to have dreams and then have them all come crashing down on top of you. I have heard countless stories of broken dreams and lives, from things that could happen to anyone at any time. It broke my heart for these men and women living on the streets.
As a culture, I think we take a lot of stock and influence in hearing stories of people whose dreams have worked out for them. We love to hear stories of people who started small and became something larger than themselves through hard work and never letting go of their dreams. But it seems so often that we never actually hear the stories of people whose dreams haven’t worked out, and their lives crumbled around them as a result. I’ve come to believe that we never hear those stories simply because no one is telling them. I want to change that.
Here enters the idea for my project. I want to tell some of these stories. I want to use photography to tell the story of life in Music City through the eyes of those whose dreams and hearts and lives have been broken. So starting on August 22nd, I will spend 8 days living with 3-5 of these men (the final number hasn’t been decided yet), and documenting their lives with pictures. This isn’t going to be me hanging out with them during the day and sleeping in my own bed at night. I want to live their lives with them. I want to come along side them and let them know that someone wants to hear their story, and tell it to others. I will go where they go, eat what they eat, and sleep where they sleep. I will be taking no money or credit cards or anything like that with me. I want this experience to be as raw as possible. I think the only way that my eyes can truly see what they see, and express it through the camera, is to experience every single detail of their lives exactly as they experience it.
This is not a permanent move for me (at least not that I know of at this point, there’s no telling what God will move in my heart while I’m gone). I will return. But there has been some confusion as to what is happening and what exactly I’m doing, and I wanted to clear the air so everyone knows exactly what page I’m on and where my heart is with everything. My plan after everything is said and done is to turn all of these images into a book. Something I can share with others, something I can tell these stories with.
So that is everything I know of my plan for this project at the moment. I have no specific plans for anything that will happen while I’m out on the streets. I have no idea where I’ll go, what I’ll eat, where I’ll sleep, or what will happen to me in the mean time. All I know is that this project is something that God put very heavily on my heart, and the pieces are all here now, waiting to be put together. I honestly have no idea what that even looks like at this point. Whether the book will get picked up and published or what will even happen. I just know that I need to do this. There is no self-serving agenda behind this. I only want to help these homeless people who have become some of my dearest friends over the last year. Even if the book does not get published, I will be printing copies and selling them myself, with everything coming in from sales going right back to People Loving Nashville so that we can continue to show love to these people.
I hope this has cleared up any confusion that may have arisen from vague posts and conversations. Now that you know the project and my heart behind it, I want you to know how I’m feeling and how you can help.
At this point, I’m two weeks out, and I am scared. I’m scared out of my mind. I’m not scared for my safety, I’m not scared about food or water or sleeping arrangements. I’m scared of failure. I have this overarching fear that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with this project. From the very beginning, from the moment of the conception of the project in my mind, I wanted to wait on the timing. I knew the idea was from God, and that He had placed the idea in my heart, and I also knew that I needed to be patient and wait on Him to execute everything so that I didn’t end up with a colossal failure of a project. That being said, I’m still scared.
I don’t know what’s going to happen, how this whole thing will work, and I especially don’t know how the whole project will turn out. All I can do is just trust that God is doing the right thing at the right time, and that I am in good hands. The biggest thing I am going to need throughout the duration of this whole thing is prayer. I need a team of people that will be committed to praying for me while I am on the streets. I am trusting God 100% to provide for me, and I need a lot of people that are backing me up in that trust.
There will be some costs involved in the project. I’ve decided to shoot the entire thing on 35mm film for simplicities sake, but I’ll be bringing along a small, off camera flash so I can shoot some portraits as well. So the two main things (well, the only two things) I will need to bring with me are film and batteries. I have roughly estimated my costs to be about $300 for everything from start to finish. I am 100% willing to finance the whole thing myself, but if you feel like giving, you may certainly do so. Nothing you give will be tax deductible or anything like that, but if you feel inclined to help me out, I will definitely make sure you get a copy of the book when they get printed.
So that’s everything. I’m nervous, scared, and completely excited beyond comprehension. I know a lot of you won’t understand what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, and that’s ok. Just know that I am using something I love to try and help a cause that is very near to my heart. Other than that, any thoughts, prayers, well-wishes or any other comments are gladly welcome. I’m going to need your love and support immensely throughout this project. Thank you all so much for the role you’ve played in my life, and in helping to shape me into the person I’ve become today. I wouldn’t be who I am and I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for the influence of all of you.
